Wrap Round 9:

Round 9 was like Lote Tuquiri and Internal League was Richie Macaw last night, the former turned the latter on its head. The difference however lies in the fact that the braided freak got an eleven week lay-off and the league only got 2.

As was built up preceding last night it was always going to be the fat lady before the sides were cut to the final four. In both leagues the 4th finalist wasn’t secured and there were plenty outsiders in with a chance. Those chances were laid on the mile last night and some teams stood up and took them whilst others couldn’t get a firm enough grip.

Bad luck to those that have been excluded. Have a sweet off-season (College have a good building year) and we will see you in 2007. Just to let you in on a secret. 2007 is a world cup year so things may become a little interesting!!!

The fact the green mile also had to host an under 20 club game last night meant the round was going to be a shambles from the start but the late (and non-) arrival of refs made it fairly chaotic. Thank fully the side involved were fairly relaxed about it and just want to play so sport so the delay wasn’t material in the end.

Every game last night besides the Nadoes Kopano game was to be played for more than the mootness of points difference. The carrot of making the semis gave extra impetus to the importance of each game. First up saw the Turtles aspiring to a 5 point victory against the Spanners to force themselves into 4th spot contention. They played some good rugby and scored 3 tries in the first half but were unable to secure the bonus in the second. They won 17-0. The Spanners weren’t perturbed by the score line and their new jersey strip was enough to keep them happy. Such would be the case for anyone I suppose who waited 9 weeks for their jerseys.

The first up game was set to be an epic tussle between Barbarians and Ubumbo, with Ubumbo looking to secure a valuable win to make the semis. Unfortunately the hype of the game turned into a damp squib as the game was marred with unnecessary violence and some hot headed play that is more appropriate in a cage fight than on the green mile. Both sides can be embarrassed that they brought that type of conduct to an establishment with a proud rugby history that is so averse to the type of play that is synonymous with the rest of the Western Cape’s rugby. Barbarians won 12-8. Funnily enough the ref was blamed but I didn’t see him throw one punch so the shame rest on either team.

The next game in the B League saw Smuts up against a resurgent College side and looking for a few points to secure a semi place. The mighty College side has been unbeaten on the B field so far this year and Smuts had their work cut out for them. Smuts defended well in the first half and didn’t allow College any points despite the heavily advantageous wind. In the second half College did the same to keep it tight but Smuts scored to cracking friggan tries in the space of 5 minutes to take the lead and the win. 13-5.

The next A League game saw Marquard up against Soco Thoco for the semi finals place. Marquard needed a 5 point win (ie: four tries) and couldn’t allow ST to stay within 7. Simple enough right? Get 5, don’t let them get 1. Unfortunately the academic acceptance streaming process amongst residences is no more apparent than at Internal League as Marquard fielded a host of u21A1’s players meaning an automatic docking of a log point and reducing the total they could claim to 4. They followed up this stroke of genius with a ‘lets do it for the semis’ war cry before running on. They loss 5 zip anyway, and still managed to blame the ref.

The final B league game was a pressure cooker with the Wildboys hosting the Shebeen Boys on the B field. I love alliteration. Both sides were through to the semis but a win would dictate who would play the easier game against Smuts. Playing with the wind in the first half SBs struggled to put enough phases together to breach the impressive WBs defence. However 2 WB were binned for a crunching tackle, despite the 2nd not been anywhere near it and now the SB were only faced with 13 defenders. I think the tackle was so big the ref decided it warranted a double punishment so sort a scapegoat. Harsh but fair. Bizarrely SB opted for a shot at goal out front which even more bizarrely hit the upfront. I wasn’t joking than upfront. It was more direct than a Carinus girl with a jug of beer in her. However the ref called a retake since a WB player moved. The second attempt was successful. Many would have questioned this decision but her boyfriend was sideline and looking fairly menacing and a lot like Wylie Human. Actually it was Wylie Human.

SB then scored an important try on the stroke of halftime but a stingy 8-0 lead was not enough in the wind. WB came back strongly with their full compliment and scored 2 good tries to take them into a 12-8 lead. Not so surprisingly they also took a shot at goal from a penalty that made the drunken Carinus girl look like a challenge it was so easy. He hit the cross bar. Penalties are boring in their own right but missing them is actually rather enjoyable as a spectator.

- Carinus girls: Drunk, easy and super keen for a semi....

The final A league game saw Nadoes fire up the old engine to put 45 point past Kopano. The game was a tad sluggish in places and the Kopano defence disrupted the play sufficiently to prevent an outright blow out but it wasn’t ever an even match. Kopano’s biggest highlight was certainly their vocal supporters. They have dropped the push up act (think they didn’t expect to score) and resorted to hilarious sideline commentary. Rather funny actually.

Team of the Week: The UCT RFC u20 Cubs. They dominated the C-field from 7pm and came back, into the wind, to beat an undoubtedly over-aged Primrose RFC team 20-15. By far the best game of the night. Wildboys get a close second and the case of beer.

Tries of the Week:
3.) College’s 16 man push over try was a beauty. Good forward play is hardly appreciated enough so to turn a backline more into a maul and roll it over with the whole team is a sight that would make Phil Kearns squeal like a pig. Chief Vass can definitely be credited with the score, since he is the only backline player that actually looks like a forward.
2.) Warren Kelly gets an award for the best try and best non-try of the night for his efforts fro Soco Thoco. He scored a cracker, then went over for another cracker and didn’t prove to the ref enough that he put it down. He claims it was.
1.) Shared between the two Smuts tries. They were actually fucking brilliant. Both expertly executed pieces of interplay with guys running on from depth and proving that skill is still a requirement to play rugby. Lovely!

Hit of the week:
Shebeen Boys were down 12-8, in the final minute, and searching in the Wildboys 22m for a gap in the defence to take the win. They produced a 4 on 2 out wide and spread the ball wide. With 2 mean outside him the ball carrier decided to draw the last man before floating the pass. I don’t think he will recall that because from out of nowhere Kenny Kirkby put in an absolute Samoan of a hit cutting the guy in half and forcing the knock on and final whistle. It was one of those silence hits, it was so hard the crowd felt it and didn’t have the wind the cheer.

So there we have it. Finals four now and then on to the Finals.

See you on the Mile….

The bell has rung...

The barmen have rung the bell and it's time for the last round, Kopano and gentlemen. [I hope you appreciate my sneaky pun with the use of Catherine from JAG instead of a picture of a bell. Well I'm bleak if you didn't cause because looking for the appropriate picture took a 'toll' on me...oh god I'm getting worse.]

Moving along, the bell has rung and I am afraid it is a death knell for most sides and they are going to have to pack up the boots until 2007. As promised here is a little mathematic breakdown of who is in contention for semis, along with the details for Round 9.

PLEASE NOTE THIS IS LANK IMPORTANT. There is a varsity game at 7pm on the C-field this wednesday so times have been shuffled to accomodate this. ALSO, the B League games are taking place on the B field and the A league games on the C field. Get that soldiers? Read the purple stuff...we're having a purple patch!

If you sitting there wondering that this makes as much sense as a 'do not touch' sign written in Braille I'll let you in on the reason. 2007 could see the home fields of the A and B league swopping so we thought we'd guinea pig it out now... Do enjoy!

The Chances:

A-League:

Contrary to populat perception Rochester do not have a chance of making the play-offs. Just thought I'd clear they up. In fact they have more chance of playing A league next year! Along with them, neither do Kopano. The Nadoes, Cobras and Barbarians are all guaranteed a semi spot. This leave Ubumbo (13), Soco Thoco (13) and Marquard (9) fighting out to see who can lose to the Nadoes in the semi. There log points are in brackets.

This gets more interesting when you hear that the Barbarians play Ubumbo and Marquard play Soco Thoco. So Marquard can make it if they beat Soco Thoco by more than 7 points (and don't leak four tries) and if Ubumbo lose. If Ubumbo and ST both get the same log points St will go through as they have amassed 3 bonus points this season...

B-League:

Panthers, Wildboys and Shebeen Boys are all already through. Wildboys have a game in hand so just one log point will give them the top spot and the 'easier' game. If not Panthers stay at the top and play the 4th side. Smuts is virtually assured a 4th spot but the Turtles can take it if: Smuts lose to College by more than 7, they score 4 tries and against the Spanners and make up an 11 point points difference against Smuts. Yes its complicated but they have more of a chance than Hidding, College and the Spanners...

Interestingly enough Smuts can also make 3rd spot if they win with 4 tries and the Shebeen Boys lose without a bonus to the Wildboys! Of course this means Wildboys will go 1 and face the Shebeen Boys again in the semis whilst Smuts will face the Panthers. This won't be good for Smuts after Panthers caned them earlier in the season.

Just for some clarity. If sides end on the same number of log points the leader will be decided by bonus points, then tries, then points difference, then season result! The rules regarding semi-finals, pertaining to the event of a draw have been brought in line with the IRB this year so look forward to an update on that next week.

See you on the Mile...

Wrap Round 8:

It has been a long 6 months of rugby that has only yielded eight rounds spent tossing the pigskin out on the Green Mile. For some sides last night they played their 7th and final game of the season, whilst other sides played their 6th with one remaining and then the rest also have that one remaining and then will have to determine their own destiny come the play-offs.


7 games of rugby over 6 months is hardly a recipe for player burn out but if you witness how hard these men throw themselves at the game each week you can understand why the pictures of internal league sides hanging on the dormitory walls of Tugwell girls are littered with tired, battered and bruised men.

I thought about not raising this next point because I don’t want to tempt fate but stuff it I am going. I would like to point out that not once yet this season has a round or game had to be rescheduled, cancelled or postponed to a later date. This is in stark contrast to the constant upsets we toiled with last season so must thank all those involved in allowing this.

Round 8 was pre-empted by nervous play-off jitters with sides doing the mental arithmetic to calculate their play-off chances. Obviously some sides struggled more than others as MAM102W was such a long time ago they have even changed its name. Lucky that Nadoes are top of the log because some of them last did first year math nearly a decade ago.

In the A-League, Round 8 saw the Cobras and the Barbarians cement their position next to the Nadoes in the semi-finals. The Cobras had a come-from-behind victory over an impressive Marquard outfit which they won 26-21. Had I paid closer attention to the game I would write a more detailed account of it but that would be blown out of the water by the Cobras’ website write up anyways so you can rather check it out at uctpurplecobras.blogspot.com. It’ll be like listening to Phil Kearns and Greg Clarke in the commentary box at Stadium Australia, one eyed but good for a laugh. The Baabaas’ beat off the challenge of Soco Thoco and the latter’s chance at securing a semi by a tight 12-0 margin.

The final game in the A-league was a wooden-spoon contest with the only two beaten (as in the opposite to unbeaten) sides left on the log. Fate wanted to force a draw but Kopano rose above it and convincingly beat Rochester 43-7. They actually showed that they were an unlucky good side this year and could have been far more competitive.


In the B-League Smuts forced themselves into play-off contention with a rousing 14-0 victory over the Shebeen Boys. Unbeaten before round 7 the Shebeen Boys have now lost 2 on the trot and face the still unbeaten joint log leaders the Wildboys next week in what looks to be a cracker. Smuts haven’t won a game since Round 2 and in their last 3 have drawn with Hidding, narrowly lost to Wildboys and being pumped by Panthers. However they just need 1 point next week to make the play-offs.

The Panthers had a rusty start to their game against a struggling Spanners side but turned it on in the end scoring 3 tries at the death to win 27-nil. That secures them a semi-final place and the top of the log although Wildboys have a game in hand. Maybe they will spend their three week break practicing goal kicking or just let their good looking once off fullback try slot a few?

The result of the last B League made many a hair on the back of little grey history proffessors’ necks stand on end. College won a game. I’m not lying. College won a game. The History department in Beattie was thrown into utter chaos with profs ordering strippers and beer kegs to mark such a monumental moment in history. Not since a try was 3 points has such an event occurred. College’s victory drought was longer than Dylan Rogers’ drought at Tiger but sadly for Drunkguy he is alone now. Actually College didn’t just win, the produced a clean and precise 19-0 victory over Hidding Hall with both tries coming from the Vass brothers.

A detailed analysis of play-off contention will be posted soon and we will talk to some experts, old hands and fans to try and predict what next week will bring.

Team of the Week: College House. Nothing else has to be said.

Tries of the Week: The Solo Week
(1) Quarmi Antwaan – the skinny Smuts winger definitely spends more time on the sprinting track than in the gym and it pays off. He scythed through the Shebeen Boys defence to score a cracking 55m try. There is no substitute for pace.
(2) Scotty Dyson – the perennial panthers try scorer took a flat ball from a lineout deep in his own half and covered the distance untouched to score under the sticks. Solo is the theme today and his effort reeked off it.
(3) Khotso Micha – the nuggety Kopano hooker wasn’t born with selflessness as a rugby quality but he certainly got the rest. He scored a try from 40m out where he seemed to get stopped every 5m but would still stay on his feet and heading for the line.
(4)* Since its solo week we have to make special mention of Kyle Dutton’s pseudo-girlfriend that came all the way out to the Green Mile on her OWN just to watch him play. Pity he didn’t play well enough to score.

Round 8 it is...


The penultimate round is underway this week and some sides have to take 5 points to even sniff a chance of play-off glory. Watch out for the big match up between Soco Thoco & the Barbarians and between Smuts & Shebeen Boys.

Rumour has it the Panthers have a guest star making a bench appearance tomorrow but no one can confirm it...

Wrap Round 7...


Rounds have been flying past us quicker than Christian Cullen on the outside channel of a drifting centre. Not even a Women’s Day hangover was going to prevent sides from upping the ante and forcing themselves into final four contention.

The knock out stages are just two rounds away, leaving some sides with only two or one game left before closeting the Copa’s for another season. For the sides that do make the final four they are in with some heavy challenges as the sides that have already cemented a place are looking mighty daunting to knock over.

In the A-League the Nadoes have sewn up the log like Sri Lanka did the Test Series. Ie: With emphatic purpose. They steamrolled a valiant Marquard side last night 40-17 to notch up their 6th scalp this season and to retain the Sobhar Shield for the second, of what could be many, weeks. The Cobras had to be a Nadoe notch last week but came back to winning ways in Round 7 with a sterling effort to beat Ubumbo 14-0. In the other game the Barbarians took on Rochester and were 69 for nought at the end of the days play, lucky for Rochester it wasn’t a five-day game.

Actually the Rhinos are getting rather devious in defeat, they are employing the Australian tactic of delaying kick off so as to shorten the game time and therefore the amount of time they have to spend watching the opponents take conversion. Pretty sneaky if you ask me. Jake White is looking into it...

Last nights events leave Ubumbo, the Barbarians and Soco Thoco all hovering around mid-table seeking to secure the remaining two play off spots. Ubumbo are certainly at the disadvantage of having 1, as opposed to the others having 2, games left but knowing the nature of the League anything can happen.


The B-League is similar to the A-League except 3 sides have pretty much sewn up the play off berths and only one is on auction to the general public. Wildboys recorded another victory, this time over Hidding winning 20-3, and stay unbeaten at the top of the table. The Panthers then fought out a hard victory to take the Sobhar Shield away from the Shebeen Boys and the second spot on the log.

The race for the remaining position is between Hidding Hall and Smuts although the Turtles put themselves in with an outside chance after their first career win last night against College in a 10-8 nail-biter. Spanners and College have less hope of a play off spot than Rochester do at a free case of beer at the Sobhar Bar, or at scraping together 15 guys for that matter but they’ll still turn out for a jol.

Team of the Week: The Turtles squeezed out their first victory and for that they deserve a case. The imbalance in regard to strength in the B League is worse than the Genie Coefficient of South Africa so to hand out a beating after 6 unsuccessful attempts is laudable. However beating College doesn’t deserve a case. However, swallowing your pride deep enough to run around a field for 60 minutes in a bright red jersey with the Ninja Turtle insignia on your skinny gun and a half shell on your back takes balls. Congrats…err… Turtles.

Try of the Week: There were long rang efforts, there were tight five push overs, there were solo magic tries and there were killer angle great support tries. However there was no ‘try’ better than the 6 Rochester team member who, for the second week in a row, tried their level best to stay in res. And they succeeded…

Hit of the Week: This is one for the record books. As stated last week this award is very rare but for the same person to get it in two consecutive weeks is borderline hot Carinus girl aka unheard of. The hit was executed by, you guessed it, Dan Watson on the hapless Cobra left wing who looks like a dark haired Peter Crouch. Ol Crouchy shepherded the big rig into touch and then fell on top of him in the mud, and for his troubles got a steroid fuelled rage hit to the nose. Not quite the sporting behaviour we expect on the green mile…

Round 7:

Isn't a little game of rugby a great way to spend women's day! We think so. That's why round 7 is tomorrow. The game times have been brough forward so we can get it all over sooner.


There are some heavy matches but none more so than the B League repeat of last years semi-finals. The Pulse Panthers beat of the Shebeen Boys twice last season during the perfect nadoe-esque season but so far this season they have already lost one, whereas the Shebeen Boys haven't. What a match up it should be! Plus the Shebeen Boys are the incumbent Sobhar Shield holders, and Pulse want to add another Cape Town club to their name. Look out for a cracker...

Wrap Round 6

Welcome back to the news site that is UCT RFC Internal League Rugby. What a ripper of a round after such a long lay-off. Who knew the powers that be that instituted varsity’s latest money-spinner Winter School would have such an impact on the happenings of Internal League.

Eight weeks of hard gym and no rugby outlet through which teams could vent their new found Floyd Landis testosterone meant that when sides hit the ground last night they hit it running…and passing and diving and tackling and some even flying…

A few sides had the foresight to organise mid-season friendly matches and tours to keep their rugby selves occupied. The Nadoes swept through Plett and Knysna like one would expect them too, Smuts thought about hitting Knysna but apparently there is a better and pinker time of year to do so, so they cancelled that, the Shebeen Boys had their normal practice matches against the Olympic Gentlemen’s Club first cricket XI and the Pulse Panthers went abroad to play in Spain. Panthers narrowly lost to the Bulls which is disappointing as no one like it when the Bulls win…

---------------------------------------Tours are always fun!

Moving back to last night's round, it was inevitable that it wouldn't be without some mishaps. Rochester arrived with their best 9 players and had to borrow a passer by so they could forfeit the points in style by playing 10s against Soco Thoco. ST are without a doubt the worst side to be forced to play the open style of 10s against and they racked up 65 points before the rotund ref had to call it early from sheer exhaustion.

The first B league game saw the Wildboys rack up 36 unanswered points against the Spanners attributing the victory to their new playing strip. Who knew Tiger Woods’ 4th round red colour mind games would have such an impact on worldwide sport although the WB might have taken it to far, from a distance it looked like Mao Tsedong’s red army was doing infantry drills on the C field.

The 7pm time slot was stacked with real viewing pleasure. The A league fixture between Kopano and Ubumbo was a titanic struggle and with 7minutes left the score line was still nil all. Kopano then dropped their Belson mobile into 6th gear and scored a cracking try in the corner that was unconverted giving them a tight 5-point advantage. It was then with their backs against the wall that Ubumbo resurged to gain important territorial advantage and sneaked one under the polls that was converted for the win in the final minute. I was going to use the phrase on the ‘stroke of full time’ but silly jokes like that can be deadly when the ref was as old as Doc Craven himself. Not only was ‘that’ era so far ago but he also seemed to want to enforce the ‘laws’ from that era.

The B league game was the one sided affair of the Pulse Panthers back to true form as they ran Smuts ragged for their four try win. Panthers played some rugby of the sparkling wine variety scoring some breath taking tries and showing that there is a place for a skilled, expansive game in SA. Smuts are no meek opposition so Panthers victory should send a severe play-off message to the other sides.


The final B league game of the night saw Hidding Hall and the Turtles grind out to a misfortunate 7 all draw. Hidding looked to have a handle on the game with a laudable first half and a good try but the Turtles showed some heavy mettle to get back into the game with gutsy forward play, good pressure and there own try. Incidentally that is the Turtle first non-loss of the season.

The big game of the night was always going to be the top of the table show down between the two remaining unbeaten sides in the A league, which was also the contest for the Sobhar Shield. Well they were both unbeaten until the Nadoes showed their superiority to comfortably beat the Purple Cobras 35-0. The score line does no justice to the Cobras loss as they kept in it everywhere else but on the scoreboard right up until the crusader-esque last 15min performance of the Nadoes. You can’t beat experience.

The score at half time should have been 0-0, except the Nadoes had magic in their line-up. The magic came in the form of the mercurial feet and brain of flyhalf Paddy Fitzgerald. He scored an amazing solo effort cutting through the defence like Dan Carter going through a green wall and then had the deftest of touches to reward a killer running angle for the blind side wing to score. Paddy 14 Cobras 0. Pressure and experience meant the Nadoes cruised the second half for another impressive victory.

There are only 3 Rounds left before the play offs and the fat lady has certainly not begun to sing, although she was present there last night. She came dressed in white to support her young Cobra (snake?) loose forward Nic Fenton-Wells.

See you on Women’s Day.

Team of the Week: The Nadoes were once again very impressive, Ubumbo had a come from behind buzzer victory but the award goes to the Spanish inquisitors, Pulse Panthers. It was nice seeing a solid team victory and not the usual solo efforts from a few individuals. Ciao.

Hit of the Week: This award isn’t as constant as say a Carinus girl, but like a Carinus girl when it appears everyones glad it wasn’t them. The receiver of the biggest hit and the accompanying award was big Ubumban winger Dan Watson. He had an impressive run up the nasty touchline of the B Field before getting stopped in his tracks by a monster hit from the lanky outside Kopano centre Rolo Louw. Just shows some things aren’t genetic.

Try of the Week: Slow ruck ball in the 22. Bad ball delivery. Off side rush defence. These usually contribute to going backward or a turnover. Not when Paddy Fitzgerald is your first five. Cobras I would like to introduce you to my left foot, this is my dummy, this is my right foot, this is my jink, this is my swerve, Mr 15 please meet my step and thank you very much I’ll convert it too. If only Dave Mallet was watching…

The Second Half Begins...

Here are the updates and official fixtures for the remainder of the season. Hopefully they will not have to be amended but that is beyond our control. Round 6 is this week with the fixtures posted in the post below and here are the times for Rounds 7, 8 and 9.

Please note the usual times in Round 7 and 9. Round 7 is a public holiday and games are starting at 16h00 and in Round 9 there is a League fixture on the B field at 19h00, hence the reshuffle.




The semi-finals will take place on the 6th September and the finals on saturday the 23rd of Septmeber.